Last Goodbyes?
by ArcticRaven
Summary: Just a short 'story' of how my Shepard would've replied to Kaidans email. One-Shot


This is my first ever story…okay maybe not first but first published on a site. So go easy on me. :'D I'm not the most grammatically correct person. . Anyway I wanted to write what I think my Shepard would've done about a reply to Kaidan, since Bioware left that out. Evil people. Genius people, great game too but evil none the less. I had planned for this to be a one-shot but now I don't know. I may add to it. I'm not sure yet. Anyway enjoy and if you like I'll most defiantly work on more. [My Shepard Riley, Colonist, War Hero, Paragade, saved the Council.]

* * *

><p>Shepard had been staring at her console screen for about an hour now trying to figure out what she wanted to say. She had planned to record a video message for Kaidan before heading through the Omega 4 relay but it seemed that might not be possible since they'd be arriving at the relay soon. She sighed as she slumped in her chair. "I'm Commander Shepard and here I am stumped about what to say."<p>

Glancing over at the picture of Kaidan on her desk she let a long sigh out. That was a lie, it's not that she didn't know what she wanted to say but she just couldn't seem to get the nerve to do it. A few moments passed before she decided to just say what has been floating around in that head of hers for days now. "Damn it. I'm just going to say it."

Tapping the holo screen to activate the video record she sat up straight again in her chair. "Hey Kaidan. How have you been?"

There was a long pause before she spoke again. "Okay, that was a bad start and just…stupid. Please forget I said that… Anyway….I got your message and thanks. I understood though why you were upset. I would've been to if I had been in your position…If I could've…I would've contacted you but that wasn't possible. When I said I was clinically dead, that was the truth … Anyone else and they would've put me in a pine box but Cerberus didn't. They spent two years rebuilding me, though that doesn't even come close to making up for all the evil they've done … I don't care what they say to try and justify what they've done, it's just all bullshit to me and I still don't trust them but I do trust my crew because to me they are not Cerberus. They're my crew."

She took a breath for a moment and ran her hand through her long blonde hair before continuing. "God I started this to … get things off my mind and say things I've wanted to but now it's just turned into a..I don't know, a rambling mess." Her voice dropped as she covered her face with her hands. "I should've just written an email. At least with that there's a delete button and I don't have time to redo this now." She sighed, though it was more of a groan/sigh than anything else. She shook her head before pulling her face out of her hands and looked back at the screen. She was just going to have to say it, even though it would've been so much easier in a email…though maybe not. She was never good at writing letters, emails, anything like that.

"I know I have no right to say this anymore but I can't go through the Omega 4 Relay without saying it. For you, for everyone it's been two years but for me it's only been a few months … I go down fighting only to wake up fighting…. I know this will probably be hard for you and it's selfish of me but I have to … Kaidan I love you and I will continue to until I get time to breathe and move on like you've been allowed to….I wish I could get those two years back but life doesn't have a rewind button, it just doesn't work that way."

Shepard was about to speak again when Joker spoke through the com. "Commander we'll be arriving at the Omega 4 Relay shortly."

She had glanced away for a moment when Jokers voice rang over the speakers but she soon looked back at the screen. "Unless you contact me again, in some way, this will be the last you hear from me. And this will be my goodbye. Something I didn't get to do before … Goodbye Kaidan. I'll always treasure the time we had. No matter how short it was."

Tapping the screen the recoding stopped and sent the vid message to him. "Can't take it back now…although EDI probably could.."

"Would you like me to do that Commander?" And there comes EDI.

"No thank you EDI." The Commander replied with a small smile for a moment before going to get ready for the mission. She decided something after sending that message; she would be coming back from this and with everyone. She wasn't going to let anyone die, not again, not like with Ash or the Normandy crew. Everyone was coming back through that Relay. Alive.


End file.
